I am so sorry that you have gotten banned-it must've sucked, especially if you have already put a lot of money into your account too. But also I know just how strict and zero-tolerance Riot's comms abuse policy is, and from day one they make that very clear-that they expect their players to be on their best behavior at all time, every single game with no exceptions, or you don't play at all. It doesn't matter if you are chill 99.9% of the time, even one time of being abusive in the comms is too much (even if you and your teammates felt like it was justified), and Riot, as a company doesn't want to take that risk, since they want to keep a healthy playerbase who would want to come back to this game again and again. And I think they were fair and lenient enough to give you 2 chances already to reflect on and change your actions (if they have already warned you before about the same offense.) And even if they didn't, just because they didn't catch you the first 2 times doesn't mean they were okay with what you were doing.
Like trust me-I've been banned before, not off Valorant but off Roblox (and also the kids playground in Ikea, so I do have some experience I can share), sure I've been a very friendly player and not breaking rules for the most part, until the day I went too far, and I got banned for saying literally 1 sentence. Even though I didn't spend any money on my account, it still hurt a lot and I had to go through a long grieving process, and I was (and still am) quite attached to that account, even though I know that these big companies, with millions of players don't care about you at all, so try to remind yourself that this is not personal-that the moderators are only doing their job, (and probably getting paid a minimum wage to do so).
But I still think that going through this emotional pain and reflecting on my actions and working through the tears and my intense pangs of regret has made me a better person as I came through on the other side, even though the process was a very difficult one, and I hope you can find the motivation in this unfortunate situation as a learning experience to use it to reflect and better yourself as well, so that you getting banned off Valorant and losing all your items would not be in vain, so that you won't get banned from other games in the future. And yes, I know it would never be the same, no game, not even the rip-offs can totally replace any other game, but if you don't change anything, the same thing is bound to happen again.
Allow yourself to feel sadness, to feel anger, frustration, regret, or whatever emotional storm that might be raging on inside of you, and to let it all out and express your feelings, but know that even though they seem very intense right now, that this is all temporary and it will all eventually pass. It took me months to come to terms with my situation and to feel somewhat normal again, so give it time, and also remember to take care of yourself. Eventually, (give it time) you'll need to stop dwelling in the past, to take the memories of the good times with you and move on, since whatever happened, happened, and no matter how much you want to, you can't go back in time to change it.
TL: DR Even though you can probably never play Valorant ever again, that doesn't mean you can't keep being a gamer and living a fulfilling life and having fun without it, so my suggestions for you again is to look at what happened objectively, reflect on your actions and learn from your mistakes, give yourself space to feel strong emotions, and evetually when you're ready, move on with your life and find alternative activities that bring you joy and happiness. This isn't an easy journey by any means, but in the end it's so worth it. Reply to this or dm me if you want to talk about anything.
